There are excuses like “the dog ate my homework.” And then there is soon to be disbarred attorney Michael J. Brown’s excuse for stealing and “loaning” to a buddy nearly $2 million from De Mon McClinton’s minor guardianship that Brown “represented.” Brown’s excuses far exceed any “dog ate my homework” excuse known to man.

I mean, there are dogs. And they sometimes do eat things they aren’t supposed to. Maybe even homework. Sure the dog probably didn’t eat your homework. But it’s possible. That’s the thing with that excuse—it’s unlikely, but it’s remotely possible.

Michael J. Brown’s excuses, however, are impossible. His excuses are that the unicorn ate his homework. A non-existent mythical creature ate his homework.

Jackson Jambalaya has the details in coverage that far surpasses mass media. Here is Kingfish’s post on Tuesday’s hearing in which Hinds County Chancellor Dewaye Thomas ordered Brown back to jail for being a crook. The post includes a copy of Judge Thomas’ order. Here is Kingfish’s prior post with copy of special master report by Special Master Paul Rogers.

Here are some of the gems about Brown and the hearing from the JJ post, followed by my comment in brackets:

  • The hearing began after Mike Brown and his attorney Clayton Lockhart arrived 15 minutes late. [Real smooth. Piss the judge off before the hearing even starts].
  • He [Paul Rogers] testified $1.2 million of De Mon McClinton’s money went directly into Brown’s attorney account at Trustmark and that the overall amount the attorney improperly received was $1.54 million. Mr. Rogers said those funds were used to loan nearly $600,000 to Linus Shackelford. Brown also loaned himself money out of the account. Rogers also took issue with the $398,000 fee Brown charged the estate in 2001 for establishing the guardianship. He said Brown would have had to devote nearly two thousand hours at his $150 per hour rate to earn that fee, which he said was impossible. He also said Brown’s fee of $110,000 for an opinion letter was "fraud" as he literally copied an opinion letter from another attorney.  [Proceed straight to jail. Do not pass Go]. 
  • Mike Brown assumed the stand. He stated he had no money to deposit with the court because he had provided an accounting for all money for the estate.  [”You see judge, there was this unicorn….”].
  • Mr. Brown said "I did it this way to protect De Mon" and then said "I am paying the ultimate price for this because I’m being condemned . I apologize to my family and I apologize to my daughters on this whole thing.  [”it was a bad unicorn judge…”]
  • Upon questioning by Mr. Lockhart, Mr. Brown said he had discussed the Shackelford investment with Judge Robinson. Judge Thomas finally had enough and said there would be no more references to alleged conversations with judges that did not exist in any record. [i.e., enough with the damn unicorn.].
  • Judge Thomas jailed Mike Brown on contempt of court and perjury. His bond is set at $250,000. [maybe Brown can sell his unicorn to cover his bail].

Any lawyer who has ever walked past the chancery courthouse knows that Brown’s story is complete and total B.S. Chancellors are sticklers for the rules and they want guardianship funds locked up tight. The suggestion that any chancellor would verbally approve bogus sounding investments and loans is preposterous, as is every other detail of Brown’s story. It is beyond preposterous.

Michael J. Brown is a disgrace to the profession. He deserves a long prison sentence.