From the Onion comes news of the formation of a new legal dream team of non-lawyers dedicated to defeating the injustice of a co-worker’s traffic ticket:
Local woman and Helios Network Solutions sales manager Patricia Carson reportedly received astute counsel from a veritable legal dream team of coworkers Tuesday, who dispensed invaluable advice on how to get out of a recent speeding ticket.
The elite legal brain trust, composed of five colleagues who gathered around Carson’s cubicle as she recounted receiving a $120 traffic citation the previous evening, reportedly drew on their comprehensive knowledge of the judicial system to map out an ironclad courtroom strategy that would allow Carson, 35, to successfully contest her ticket.
Sounds like the advice was spot on:
According to workplace sources, over the course of the 10-minute discussion, Carson received a wealth of incisive guidance from her cubicle area’s top advocates, including such mavens of the legal world as software developer Mark Schreiber, junior marketing associate Alyssa Eldridge, and Kevin from tech support.
Working together to advise Carson on an infallible exoneration strategy, the crack team, with a combined three decades of experience in the most complex intricacies of the U.S. legal system, reportedly formulated a brilliant argument rooted in the most unassailable tenets of constitutional law.
“Half the time the radar gun is busted,” said Schreiber, laying the groundwork for a flawless defense that would hold up under the scrutiny of even the most ruthless prosecutor. “They’re just counting on you to pay the ticket anyway. That’s why you gotta call their bluff.”
I have serious reservations about the advice of this so called “Dream Team.” Notice how they aren’t really lawyers. That’s the unauthorized practice of law in my book.
I hope the Maryland Bar takes notice of this and files a complaint against these people. Especially that Kevin dude from tech support. Those tech support people are always know-it-alls because no one else knows what the hell they are talking about with all their computer jargon.
Welcome to my world, Kevin.