I’m a nickname connoisseur. My mother hated nicknames that kids at school gave me in the first grade. And to be fair, grade-school kids come up with stupid nicknames.

It took me a good 15 years after first grade to embrace nicknames. Now, I love them. I’ve probably had 10 in the last 30 years. My personal favorite is ‘Sunshine.’ But then, I think it’s hilarious when a huge dude’s nickname is ‘Tiny.’

What makes a good nickname? It needs to be funny, but not mean. If mean can’t be avoided to maximize humor, well, that’s too bad.

A rule of thumb of a good nickname is 2 syllables max. If it has more than 2 syllables, there better be a good reason besides lack of imagination.

Don’t buy my 2 syllable rule? Tell that to Tiger, Sweetness, The Fridge, Babe, Hank, Csonk, Bear, The King (all 3 of them), Steph, Magic, Bird, Jordan, Archie, etc…

There are some great forgotten nicknames for Mississippi lawyers. Who can identify Coop, Daddy, Famous, Scotty, Deuce, The Beave, Possum, Crash, Father Time, Sloth, The Admiral, Boo, Chachi, Pops and The Q?

Or going back to my law school class: Recap, Nugget, Stupelo, Gone, Shovel and Biggie? [If you were in my law school class, Mike Morton and me had a nickname for you–usually before we ever met you based only on your photo in the first year composite or something that happened the first day of class].

Don’t like your nickname? You better rethink that. People generally only give nicknames to people they like. It’s a term of endearment no matter what it is. Otherwise, they just refer to you as jack-ass, nut-job or a-hole.

So it was with great disappointment when I read that we dropped ‘The Mother of All Bombs’ on ISIS. Good lord! That’s got to be the worst nickname in the history of warfare. 6 syllables? We’ll never defeat ISIS with nicknames like that.

What’s a better nickname? Well, here’s a picture of it:

MOABThat’s not ‘The Mother of All Bombs.’ That’s Orange Crush.

Yes, I’m aware that sometimes the Air Force screws up and paints Orange Crush green. Probably on the orders of the dude who named it The Mother of All Bombs.

So what? It’s still Orange Crush.